Some Folks I Profoundly Distrust
D X Stone - 4/26/01
"...we laugh at the very
idea of truly noble aspirations,
as we have been taught to laugh, by the behaviorists."
Like many out there, I'm not a real trusting soul to begin with... people
can disappoint, especially in an utra-modern culture like ours which has
tossed out all the old rules without establishing newer, cooler rules to
govern our complex interactions... I'm old enough to remember that only
25 years ago this country, though flawed and backwards in many ways, was
a helluva lot nicer place to live in generally, not nearly as rude and hate-filled
and seedy as the preceding 25 years, or as it's been looking lately...
But here we are, in a whole new millenium now, and we seem in desperate
need of some new cool rules... though I have always felt a healthy measure
of disdain for authority generally, I was never the type to believe we should
just toss it all, baby, bathwater, rubber ducky, without discrimination;
I think, all things in moderation, y'know?... sure, it's fucked up, how
we all got here, how much we were all lied to and manipulated and played
for suckers... but it's never too late to make it better, to recognize that
we're all in it together, as DeNiro says in Brazil...
It is my considered belief that, amazingly, cool people of real quality
still exist amid the dreck and detritus of our fine modern American society,
the mainstream of which tends to discount this view, propogating the opposing
idea that cool people do not in fact exist, and never have... this
cynicism is so complete and pervasive nowadays that most people view the
idea of cool people in the same way they view the idea of faeries, Bigfoots
or Tom Brokaw (which is especially odd, as Tom's the only one in that list
whose existence is a complete fiction with absolutely no basis in fact!)
By this I mean that they do not believe human beings are capable
of true virtue or bravery or honesty or nobility, that we're all just a
bunch of overly-complex eating/fucking machines with too much time on our
hands.
My point is, these supposed "people in the know" who push this
rampant cynicism and divisiveness 'tween people, 'tween each other and our
environment and our own instinctive knowledge of balance and meaning in
this profoundly amazing and mysterious cosmos, all these marvelous academics
and scholars and rationalists and media morons, these visionaries of the
new indifference trying to drill this new model for human society into all
of us... I don't trust these people.
I think they're trying really hard to cut everyone off from the magical
wellspring that is our connection to our own higher consciousnesses... and
they're doing a fine job of it.
Few of us seek our highest selves anymore; it's kind of a dead concept
in America today. Instead, we seek power and wealth and and the illusion
of hipness and personal evolution, not to mention no-strings sex and endless
distraction... and we laugh at the very idea of truly noble aspirations,
as we have been taught to laugh, by the behaviorists.
They, the control boys, try to make us think we're so stupid and greedy
and inferior a species, on so many levels, that we all might just as well
give into the forces of entropy and despair and live out the remainder of
our lives competing for title of World's Biggest A-Hole To Ever Walk The
Planet.
I don't trust those who discourage others from walking upright.
Gravity is bad enough for a lot of people, if you ask me...
Here, then, is just a partial list of folks I feel have made it their
stock in trade to lie to us all, big fat fluffy lies full of all sorts of
noxious gases, people who can really pile it on, the ones who tell the big
lies consistently-- the only punishment for such behavior in America being
constant submersion in huge sums of money--because it's gotta stop, one
way or the other... it is because of this constant barrage, this tidal bombardment
of continuous BS at its best, that we are a nation of unhappy bastards,
most of whom don't even know it...
And it is perhaps the chief reason why millions are horrified everywhere.
GW Bush - I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but the guy is unreal,
folks... on every level, and it's not even a very convincing illusion...
three months in, and it's more obvious than ever that Mr. Bush's head is
filled with packing peanuts... let's all hope that somewhere out there,
there's a brain on the way... (I picture a surgeon with a high-tech suitcase
sitting on a plane, surrounded on all sides by armed military and intelligence
operatives and about fifty fuckin' ninjas, all speeding toward Washington,
DC and a date with destiny... they're all hoping that Bush won't ask to
see the brain first, like the last seven times, in which he screwed up seven
perfectly good brains in a row... the first two he tried to put on like
a hat...)
Rush Limbaugh - To this day he remains one of the most amazing
founts of misinformation out there, mostly because of the freakishly large
blowhole located on his face-thing... he uses this aperture to spew poisonous
bile in a wide semi-circle all around him whenever he feels threatened,
which is always... though I realize that, from a biological view, he's quite
a rarity, unique to nature, my wise primitive instincts make me want to
club him like a baby seal, for the sake of everyone... and I know within
my heart that he wants this too... somewhere deep inside that huge bloated
exterior is a tiny little baby that no one ever loved enough, cuz it was
such a hateful little shit...
Jerry Springer - What an incredible BS artiste! Everytime this
talentless slithering little weasel-cretin is interviewed, he makes the
same ridiculous claim, utterly straight-faced, that his show is 100% authentic!
Were it not for this vile deceit, I'd dismiss his show as mindless crappy
entertainment for profoundly stupid people... but the fact that he lies
this way, and that many of the profoundly stupid people who watch regularly
are easily dumb enough to be fooled by this lie, makes these broadcasts
into a kind of cultural corrosive, slow-acting but extremely powerful...
my complete and utter revulsion for Jerry Springer is best illustrated by
the following analogy: If you were locked in a small cell with a single
metal chair, and then they put a big mutant spider in the cell with you,
about four feet across and two feet high and hairy and disgusting, and it
just sat there about 8 feet from you, not threatening or drooling or buzzing
or anything, seemingly calm, even tranquil... no matter how scared you were,
or how much you wanted to believe it was sleeping and wouldn't harm you,
after only about two or three minutes you'd just have to take that
chair and use it to kill that goddamn thing, wouldn't you? A coupla times?
Right?
That's the way I feel about Jerry.
Keep him the hell away from me.
Britt Hume and Tony Snow - Are the same person... they're actually
on the same Sunday morn pundit show now, but when I first saw 'em together
it was on split-screen at the end of some late-nite news special, the two
wishin' each other nighty-night, and it was weird, man... as I'd already
begun to suspect, they were clones, obvious clones... and I'd already
seen 'em both, seperately, enough to know that everything they say
is always completely phony, so I didn't buy it, this whole bye-bye
thing... my mind raced to fill the obvious gap of logic, and I imagined
these two overpaid hairdos steppin' off two adjacent soundstages and embracing,
backwards, ass to ass, both bending over 'til their foreheads met 'tween
their ankles, and swaying slightly, drunkenly, in unison, collectively emitting
bizarre high-pitched piping sounds while those lil coffee-drinkin' aliens
from Men in Black moved set pieces and lighting around in the background...
I saw the two of 'em goin' off together, goin' home and hoppin' into bed
and playin' tent puppets all night to the unholy musical stylings of Barry
Manilow, while in the shadowed enclaves a dozen other clones, all with the
same exact personality and hair, ceased in their own bizarre incestuous
activities to slither to a better vantage point so as to observe this obscene
and forbidden coupling of Hybrid Mutant Clones In Revolt Against Nature...
I imagine that come the morn they all take long standing baths in dry ion
chambers that kill all bacteria, good and bad, in and out, while simultaneously
styling their hair, each with a slightly different twist so as to fool an
unwary and unsuspecting public, all of them immaculate newsman do's, haircuts
with secret powers... then the ones with no business to attend to
on any given day are tubed in plexiglas tanks, left floating in a grey slimy
smegma to maintain freshness and utter lack of humor, while the others go
out in the world, out to their studios and broadcasting booths to spread
ignorance and mischief of all kinds, here and abroad.
I can't prove any of this... yet I believe it, totally and completely.
I've put too much time into thinking it all through to feel otherwise. Call
it a hunch, or gut instinct; I know I'm right on this one.
Next wk: Part II, in which somebody finally nails that Judge Judy bitch...
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